I'm having a hard time sleeping since I was diagnosed with MS 11 years ago. I don't know if it is anxiety or depression. But my mind races and I feel like sleeping is like throwing away valuable time. I know deep down, I'm lucky to have remained one step ahead of this disease. I was put on Betaseron for the first 8 years and then changed to Rebif. Other than feeling like I had a flu everyday, things were going along okay. And then I started Tysabri 6 months ago and had a NABS test (to see if I had antibodies) and it came back positive last week. So now, I'm back to not knowing what to do. I looked forward to Tysabri for so long and now my body is rejecting it. Irony. But MS is such a strange, complicated and exhausting disease. It is so tiring to try and stay ahead of the progression and try not to remember it is a part of your own body. Just waiting to destroy your life. But it is cruel because it does it slow and painfully. I know we are suppose to accept this dis-ease and be kind to ourselves. But late at night, such as now, and when I am all alone, I can honestly say to myself .... "I HATE YOU MS". HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?